


Take Me Back to How Things Used to Be

by BatmanWhoLaughss



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebellion Era - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Blind Kanan Jarrus, Family, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Father Figures, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kanan Jarrus Needs a Hug, Light Angst, Parental Hera Syndulla, Parental Kanan Jarrus, Sabine Wren Needs a Hug, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:22:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27360415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatmanWhoLaughss/pseuds/BatmanWhoLaughss
Summary: “I thought you’d be painting. This is probably the most down time we’ll have for a while.” She can tell that Hera’s trying to sound light-hearted, but there’s a heavy edge to her voice that Sabine knows means she’s stressed.They have so much down time because Kanan needs to heal.Another reminder that things aren’t normal, and they won’t be for a while. Maybe not ever.“Can’t,” Sabine says, a little rougher than she means to. Her hand clenches into a fist on the table. “I can’t just paint something when‒”When he can’t look at it.There’s a lump in her throat that refuses to go away.---Sabine and Kanan always bonded over her art. Now that Kanan's blind, Sabine tries to keep that bond from fading away.
Relationships: Hera Syndulla & Sabine Wren, Kanan Jarrus & Sabine Wren
Comments: 13
Kudos: 75





	Take Me Back to How Things Used to Be

**Author's Note:**

> Kanan and Sabine love each other so much and I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL OKAY. We deserved to see more of their relationship- KANAN IS HER DAD OKAY <3

Sabine sits at the small Dejarik table on the Ghost, an untouched mug of caf in front of her and her head resting on her arm. Normally, on days like today, she’d be painting, passing what little free time she has by being creative. It always used to make her happy, to spend hours getting lost in the streams of endless color until Hera has another job for them. But now… now, every time she tries to pick up her airbrush, all she can see is Kanan’s milky-white eyes. 

It was kind of their thing, starting from back when she first joined the Ghost. She didn’t trust Kanan and Hera at first, and it was a while before she really started letting her guard down around the two of them. But late one day, she was sitting in the common room, putting the finishing touches on her latest painting, when Kanan walked up behind her.

“I didn’t know you painted,” he said, a thoughtful look on his face. 

“I didn’t tell you,” Sabine shot back, her defenses inexplicably rising. She wasn’t sure why she was snapping at him, but Kanan held up his hands in surrender. His eyes were shining with something she couldn’t quite place as he looked down at her work.

“It’s beautiful,” he said in a low voice. “Colors flow really well together. It’s bright and vibrant without being overpowering.” 

Sabine raised an eyebrow. “I never took you for the artistic type.” 

Kanan shrugged. “I’m a lot of things,” he said with that devil-may-care smirk of his. Then, in a softer voice. “Back at the– as a child, I was always taught to see the beauty in everything. Been a while since I had anything artistic to appreciate.” He flashes her a small smile, resting a hand on her shoulder. “Keep up the good work, kid.”

It broke the ice between them, and from then on Kanan was the first person she showed all her new pieces to. He would always offer an honest opinion, making sure to point out all the things he liked about it because he knew it always made her smile. And after a while, when Kanan stopped being a friend and became family, she came to realize how much she valued those moments, how happy it made her when Kanan would get that  _ proud dad _ look in his eye when he critiqued her work. 

She didn’t think she would miss it so much.

Sabine hasn’t painted since Malachor. She can’t, because it just feels  _ wrong _ to paint something that Kanan will never see, even though she knows he wouldn’t ever want her to stop painting because of him. But it hurts more than she expected it would, knowing that they’ll never get those moments back. She hates that she took them for granted. 

She hasn’t even seen Kanan in days. He’s been keeping mostly to himself since he was blinded, only leaving his room when he has to. The only one who spends more than a few minutes with him is Hera, but even she’s seemed sad the past few days. She’s been spending more time away from the ship, and Sabine has a feeling that Kanan isn’t even talking to Hera now. 

There’s a gloom that hangs over the entire ship, and her head is filled with questions. She knows they’ll adjust eventually, but for now nothing feels certain, and she aches for things to feel normal again.

“Sabine?” 

As if on cue, Hera emerges from the doorway, her brow furrowed. “Hey, Hera,” Sabine mumbles, not lifting her head from where it rests on her arm. 

“I thought you’d be painting. This is probably the most down time we’ll have for a while.” She can tell that Hera’s trying to sound light-hearted, but there’s a heavy edge to her voice that Sabine knows means she’s stressed.  _ They have so much down time because Kanan needs to heal. _ Another reminder that things aren’t normal, and they won’t be for a while. Maybe not ever.

“Can’t,” Sabine says, a little rougher than she means to. Her hand clenches into a fist on the table. “I can’t just paint something when‒”  _ When he can’t look at it. _ There’s a lump in her throat that refuses to go away. 

Hera sits down next to her in the small booth, her hand resting on Sabine’s shoulder. “Are you okay?” Her eyes are sad, like she knew the answer even before she asked the question, but it’s still sweet that she asks. 

“Fine,” Sabine says. “I’m just…” she sighs.

Hera’s hand moves to rest on her back. “You know…” she starts. “There are other ways to be artistic.”

Sabine raises her head, her eyes wide and confused. Hera’s eyes are sad, like she knows exactly what Sabine’s thinking about.

“I know you’ve always liked showing Kanan the things you make. He likes it too, y’know? That’s not something the two of you have to lose.” Sabine sighs, and even though Hera still looks sad, she’s smiling. 

“How can I paint anymore, knowing he’s never going to see it?” 

Hera’s smile gets a little bigger. “He can’t see. But he’s still got all his other senses. Make something he can  _ feel _ instead.”

And it’s like a lightbulb goes off in her head. Sabine wonders why she didn’t think of it before, and she thinks back to an article on sculpting she was reading a couple weeks before Kanan and Ezra left for Malachor. It was always something she had vaguely wanted to try, and now seems like the perfect opportunity. 

Slowly, Sabine’s face morphs into a small smile, and Hera reaches down to squeeze her hand. Sabine nods, her mind already calling up the materials she’ll need to get and possible things to make. Hera gets up and makes her way towards the door to the common room, before turning back. “You know,” Hera says, thoughtfully. “Bail Organa has some schematics and images of the old Jedi Temple on Coruscant, before Palpatine took it over. I bet Commander Sato could get a message to him for you.” 

Sabine is already tapping her comlink when the door closes behind her.

\------

A week later, Sabine knocks on Kanan’s door. She’s nervous, worried that he won’t even bother to answer her, because he seems to be withdrawing even more now than he was before. She’s pacing back and forth, holding the small sculpture in her hands as her heart pounds. She wonders if she’s overstepping, if he’ll even like this, or if it’ll just make him even more upset, but she feels like she has to do  _ something _ to make him smile. Hera seemed to think this was a good idea, and she gave Sabine an encouraging smile when she showed her the sculpture. 

For a moment, he doesn’t answer, and she’s worried he’s not going to, but then she hears a mildly loud  _ thud _ coming from inside, followed by a quiet curse. 

“Kanan? Can I come in?” 

Her worry grows when he doesn’t answer for a moment, but then suddenly the door opens and he’s standing in front of her. His unseeing eyes look down at where he thinks she is. It’s still jarring to look at, the full beard that covers his face and the way the angry red scar cuts across the bridge of his nose. 

“Hey, Sabine.” His voice is low, heavy with everything that’s happened to him over the past few weeks, but there’s a small smile on his face, like he’s genuinely happy to see her. 

“How are you doing?” It’s not what she wanted to say, but she can’t help but blurt it out. She hasn’t spoken more than a few words to him since before Malachor, and she can’t help but notice the way his shoulders are hunched over, like there’s a physical weight on his back. Blindness isn’t really something you can just shrug off, and she suddenly hates that part of her expected him to be back to his old self sooner rather than later. She suddenly wants to kick herself for even asking the question.

But his smile gets a little bigger even as he sighs. “I’ve been better,” he mutters. But then he frowns. “What’s up? Everything okay?”

Sabine can’t help but smile back at him, even though he can’t see it. He’s always so concerned for everyone else, even when he’s the one that needs help. “I’m fine. I just… wanted to show you something.” 

Kanan’s face falls again, and inwardly she cringes at her choice of words. But she glances down at the small sculpture in her hands and takes a deep breath. “Sabine…” Kanan says, his voice heavy. “You know I‒”

“I know, I know.” Then Sabine sighs, reaching for Kanan’s hand. “I’ve been having really bad art block the past few weeks. I couldn’t paint anything because I kept thinking about how you wouldn’t be able to see it.”

His face twists. “I’m sorry, kid.” His voice is soft. 

“But,” she says, handing him the small sculpture. He’s wearing a confused expression when he takes it, running his fingers over it as he tries to figure out what it is. “I started doing some research, and I figured now was as good a time as ever to try something new.” She smiles again. “Sculpting wound up being a ton of fun, so… I made you something.” She’s blushing slightly, as his hands run over the curves and ridges. 

Kanan’s mouth falls open slightly as his hands run over the sculpture. “Sabine…” His voice is thick with an emotion she can’t quite place. “Is this…?”

“Turns out Bail Organa has some pretty good images of what the Jedi Temple on Coruscant used to look like,” Sabine says, her eyes shining as Kanan’s smile blooms across his face. It’s the first time she’s seen him smile since before he left the base. “It’s not my best work, and I messed up the top a little bit, but‒” 

But Kanan’s still smiling, and she could swear there are tears in his eyes. “It’s beautiful,” he says, cutting her off with a hand on her shoulder. “I love it.”

Now she’s  _ actually _ going to cry, because his smile is lighting up his whole face just like it always used to, and she’s missed seeing it terribly. Things are never the same on the Ghost when Kanan or Hera are upset, and seeing him like this the past few weeks hasn’t been easy on any of them. Even  _ Chopper _ has seemed more subdued than usual. 

She can’t help it‒she throws her arms around him in a hug so tight it’s bone crushing, because she really has missed him. She’s missed cracking jokes with him and making fun of Ezra with him and sneaking off for some target practice with him, where he let her shoot whatever she wanted when Hera wasn’t looking. He lets out a small  _ oof _ of surprise, before chuckling softly as he hugs her back. 

For a moment they just stand there, Sabine’s head resting on his chest as his hand comes to rest on the back of it. But then she looks up at him, and even though he can’t see her, his head tilts down to follow her movements. “You know we all love you, right?” she says, hugging him tighter. “We’re all here for you, whatever you need.” Because as upset as she’s been the past few weeks, she knows he’s probably feeling so much worse than the rest of them can imagine.

Kanan swallows, before nodding slowly as he rubs her back. “I know, kid. Thank you. This… it means a lot.” His voice sounds close to breaking by the end, and her own eyes are shining again. 

He’s got that easy smile on his face when he pulls away. “Got any other sculptures planned? I’m sure you must have ideas.” 

She laughs. “A few.” 

“Tell me,” he says. 

When they make their way into the common room a few minutes later, Sabine leading Kanan by the arm, she’s still talking, telling him about her planned projects as Hera smiles at them from the Dejarik booth. And for the first time, Sabine feels like maybe, just maybe, things are going to work out alright after all.


End file.
